based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
