morning after pill = breakfast in bed
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
