Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
