You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
