I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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