he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
