That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
