I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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