I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
this will be a night to untag.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
