they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
