We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
