I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
