my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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