I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
