Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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