Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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