So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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