worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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