I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
