That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
