I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
