didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
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she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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