Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There's always time for handjobs
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize