WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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