i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
