So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We need to rekindle our bromance
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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