mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
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You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
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After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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