The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
