The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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