She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
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Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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