He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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