My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
