The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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