please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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