I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
