oh god the rape fog is back!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
