theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize