Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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