If i come over, it means nothing
i barfeds in our rink
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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