My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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