Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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