dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
