doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
