the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
