I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
