I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
