my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
