I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
