im about as happy as oj after his trial
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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