hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
