i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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