i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
