you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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