i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
