I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Is Oprah even human
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
