Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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