I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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