I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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