I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
