let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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