I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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