Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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