I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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