soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
not ubering you a puppy
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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