I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
