So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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