apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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