I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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