Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize