you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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