All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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