Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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