I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
