....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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