I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
