You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My breasts were aching with rage.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
