I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
