she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
