Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
