your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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