OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Randomize
