i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
