Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
