Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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