Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
