i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
