We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
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