Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
