apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
