I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
