around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
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I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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